Sausalito Anchor Dog Unisex Short Sleeve Shirt

The Walk of Utter Embarrassment

Listen, I love my human. I really do. They give great belly rubs, they’re excellent at dropping cheese on the kitchen floor, and their throwing arm is decent (when they aren't distracted by their glowing rectangle). But we need to talk about what happened today when the leash came out.

They threw on this new garment-dyed Comfort Colors tee. It’s "Flo Blue"—which is a very fancy name for “Look at me, I am a giant walking beacon of human confusion.”

We stepped out the door, and I immediately realized the sheer irony happening on their back. Printed right there for the whole neighborhood to see is a graphic of me standing proud next to a massive anchor, right alongside a giggling seagull. A seagull! Do you know what those winged sky-rats do to my neighborhood jurisdiction? They laugh at me from light poles. And here is my human, essentially wearing a billboard that condones their mockery.

As if that wasn't enough, the shirt reads: "All Dogs Are Good Dogs."

Okay, first of all, rude. I am right here. I am the best dog. Broadcasting that "all dogs" are on my level while I am actively trying to maintain dominance over the goldendoodle down the street is a massive strategic blow to my street cred. I had to pee on a fire hydrant with extra intensity just to salvage my reputation.

The text on the front says Sausalito, which I guess explains a lot. There’s a lot of salty air and questionable fashion choices around here.

The only saving grace of this entire humiliating excursion? The fabric. It’s 100% ring-spun cotton and ridiculously soft. So when we finally got home and I curled up right on top of their chest for my post-walk nap, it felt like a broken-in cloud. Plus, they claims it won't shrink in the wash, which is good, because I fully intend to cover it in drool and shedding hair until it looks like a proper dog shirt.

I’ll let them wear it again next week. But if that giggling gull shows up in person, I’m chasing it.